Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Chemistry Online

Chemistry: not that easy to find online. Theses days I am questioning if love can be found this way at all. According to dating sites, men and women find each other and fall in love all the time- I have yet to take that tumble but still hoping that I do.

We all say we are picky- that is the reason why we are still single- probably. We know ourselves much better as we get older and try to avoid what we have experienced in the past that brought us so much aggravation and pain. This task becomes more daunting comparing to the amount of grief we have experienced in our past relationships. Allowing someone to get close is not always easy. The closer they get, the faster they can bring us to our knees or curled up on the bathroom floor.

With the nature of online dating, I am wondering if we are becoming far more disposable to these men and women we meet? Has online dating made commitment more difficult because there are so many more avenues at our fingertips all with a click of a mouse? Dating Attention Deficit Disorder?

When men and women are brought together by an online dating site; we really don’t have that romantic story: no bumping into each other on the street, no curious eyes meeting from across the room. We met on a computer and were brought together by a matching system or an appealing photograph. Romantic, isn’t it? Not really. No one really wants to tell people that they met online, but I suppose it really doesn’t matter where we meet. We all long to feel that chemistry, but for some reason, we haven’t yet. We have in the past, but not now, when we are older and more ready. The good thing about online dating is that there people who are looking for the same thing as you are and don’t really want to be there either- they just are. And besides, those eHarmony ads are damn convincing.

But I must admit, I have had my sexy moments. I do remember locking eyes with certain men very clearly. I knew why I was there but how I felt in their presence surprised me. They made me nervous that was a good thing. Either I couldn’t park straight in a parking space; spoke too quickly or nervously laughed. Chemistry: what a beautiful and strange phenomenon. So, there is chemistry, now what? Looking back, I am certain that my friends would never set me up with some of these men I felt chemistry with- not if they love me anyways. Some men suffered from too much addiction, some were players… some couldn’t have cared less if I was in their lives or not.

With online dating, we can sense someone’s character, but we really have no clue about who they really are. They were not our friends to begin with and our friends and family have no idea who they are either. When there is no past, friends or anything else holding two people together, the only foundation is how they feel about each other and what they have in common. Their bond will be the chemistry they have between them- that chemistry is like an invisible belt, holding them together in some sort of trust. But to keep that bond, there must be compatibility- many different levels of it. Chemistry is passionate and enticing, while compatibility is similar to developing a successful business; two people who work well together striving for similar goals to obtain positive results. No one wants to end up bankrupt.

Forming a lasting bond with someone without a foundation, I am discovering to be quite challenging. The hole is less deep, less able to hold a solid structure from tumbling over. With our fast paced, overly loaded society, distractions are inevitable. With so many choices, is it more difficult to commit to one person? Let’s face it, the net is a powerful tool for communication but has it sacrificed the nature of an intimate monogamous relationship? We can endlessly chat and send emails but are any of these forms of communication intimate? I am sensing these methods can be used as a mask -people hiding on the other side of their computers, holding theirs hearts to themselves, away from vulnerability and anything that can risk hurting them- again.

The one thing I really must applaud, no matter what people experience, most of us don’t ever give up on love. We can feel defeat and become disheartened, but we get back up, dust ourselves off and try again. Love can find us when we least expect it; it can find us in a subway station, an art gallery and maybe even with a click of a mouse. Timing is also important. Two people need to be ready; and when that happens, anything is possible.

And that is wonderful…