Friday, October 1, 2010

Ever meet someone at an airport?

Ever meet someone at an airport? I did. He showed me parts of the world I had never seen. Meeting him was exciting and also made me realize how much I love Canada.

David was no ordinary man. I first saw him at the airport in Miami. He was from Belgium and had a swagger and a devilish look about him; he oozed of sex and naughtiness. After a few glances, he sat beside me and began to tell me about all of his travels. He was kitesurfing in the red sea and was on his way to Nassau. When I got up to leave, he handed me his card.

“I am coming to see you in Montreal,” he announced in an email weeks later. “No you are not!” I nervously replied. Was he really going to come all that way? Yes, he was. I showed him Montreal and watched him observe parts my Canadian life.

A day after he left, he thanked me and said that he forgot something at the hotel and asked me to pick it up for him. He bought me a beautiful watch, the same one I admired in a shop and left it at the hotel for me as a surprise. I smiled and proudly snapped it on my wrist.

Time went on and began dating someone else. “Tara, come to Belize,” David asked. “I can’t, I am kind of seeing someone…”

I was seeing someone who would later declare that he was still in love with someone else.

“Come to Bali with me,” he asked months later; I did. I flew into Belgium; met his mother; his daughter and was mentally preparing myself to travel with seven of his closest friends. Take a deep breath, Tara, I reassured myself, this is what life is about- trying new things. We took the train to Amsterdam, experienced a “cafĂ©” before flying out to Malaysia the next morning. It was definitely the sexiest and most luxurious vacation I have ever been on; one I will not soon forget.

“Please come spend the holidays with me in Belgium?” David asked three weeks later. Again, an airline ticket arrived in my inbox.

My flight was late when I came out the arrivals gate; there he was anxiously waiting for me with his daughter. He grabbed me and we raced to the car to get her on time for her school field trip. He drove like a madman on the shoulder of the highway, dodging cars and passing others. I tried to remain calm, secretly regretting accepting the invitation.

We went to a Party that evening; as I was watching him dance on the table, his shirt opened exposing his chest, his friend leaned over and said, “Tara, you must look unavailable, David is like this.”

I looked over at him and understood the game: the chase was over; the prize was had; and I was stuck in Belgium.

“You slept with her!” I wailed. “You couldn’t of waited three weeks? Or tell me before I flew for 7 hours with an eight hour stop over staring at fat people!“

"I am sorry, Tara, I loved you, you are my Canadian beauty. You are angry… I get you a ticket to go home, “ he said in his thick French accent.

We met in an airport and would say goodbye in one. When I was heading to my departure gate, as I was turning the corner to glance back at him for the last time: he had tears in his eyes. When I turned the corner, I took a deep breath, and the tears followed. I knew not to go back to Belgium- my heart told me not to. Something also told me not to go to Guadeloupe.

David bought a large Catamaran and wanted me to see it.

“Tarr-a go to the boat, you will love it.” Again, a ticket arrived in my inbox.

So, here I was on his Catamaran with the same man that warned me about his ways at the party in Belgium and a kitesurfer instructor. We were in Guadeloupe for a week before sailing to St Maarten. I thought how strange it was that I was there- trying hard to appreciate the experience.

That night I tried desperately to sleep with the dingy slamming the waves beside my cabin, argued with the flushing system, and searched for some decent “girl food” to eat.

“Tomorrow you are going to try kitesurfing”.

“That sounds great,” I lied.

They tied me into my harness and handed me over the large kite into my nervous hands.

“No, Tara! Release the handle!”

With fear, I tried holding it tightly to my chest: the kite had full power, pulling me up into the air, with them holding on to my legs. I was terrified and laughing hysterically.

“Get this off me…please…get it off”, I shrieked.

I felt pathetic and lonely. They reassured me at least I tried. I thought I almost met God.

We stopped at some small island leaving Antigua: time to snorkel. I love snorkeling! They geared up and jumped in the water with me trying to gear up quickly to keep up, but they disappeared. I jumped in anyways, paddling away, but when I looked up: I saw no one around and started to panic. There are probably sharks here. The boat looked far away and so did they. Finally one caught on that I was in trouble, but instead of comforting me, laughed out loud and said:

“HAHA! You think that is far?”

I headed back to the boat, disheartened, fantasizing about some giant crab getting them on the island.

A free ticket isn’t cheap I thought.

We finally made it to St Maarten. I knew they had errands to run but wasn’t expecting to be left on the boat all day in the blazing heat. The marina was dirty and there was no way I was diving in to meet up with someone’s morning flush.

What was I thinking? Why did I come? Then I saw something that made me smile: In the midst of all of the European and American flags- there she was- our beautiful Canadian flag fluttering from a sailboat.


The next day, I took off to the French side: alone. I met wonderful people and swam for hours. I was happy- and happy to go home. A nice Canadian man would be better for me, I told myself.

As I was waiting for my flight in Guadeloupe to return home, a mn sat in front of me and gave me that look. He had those eyes like David’s. He smiled at me; I smiled back and got up to go to my plane, not looking back this time. I was going home.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

More Stupid Tips for Plenty of Fish Users

I just want to say, most men are really good and kind creatures. This is just from some of my own experiences and thoughts.. and a bit of humor (hopefully).

  1. If there is a trailer park in the background of your pictures, most women will run for their life.
  2. If your teeth are closer to the colour of wet hay- consider white strips. Remember we are kissing you and might just run when you smile.
  3. Stop it if the “lols.” It is juvenile when you are past 30. ESPECIALLY when you are past 40!
  4. I wouldn’t use the word “ladies.” There are women and there are girls and yes, there are other titles- just enough with the lady talk. What is a lady in 2010 anyways?
  5. I wouldn’t self promote so much. I am hoping the “self-help- me, myself and I” phase is coming to an end in our society. We should all stop talking about ourselves so much; telling people how wonderful we are. Very few are really THAT wonderful, the rest of us are full of shit.
  6. I wouldn’t use pictures taken in front of the mirror with your shirt off or pictures posing and doing the “mirror face” in front of the computer. It is oddly uncomfortable looking at these pictures. Pictures of your car make me feel a weird too. And you house.. could I move in?
  7. I would never create a fantasy about the person before meeting them. It is easy to fall in love with an idea of who someone may be and a good photo- don’t get caught in that or you might be really disappointed or the other person may feel too much pressure and back out. All that time talking on the phone.. No one is perfect and we all come with our own history.
  8. Stupid vanity. Because we are going through an incredibly selfish phase in human history, vanity and narcissistic behavior have taken on a major role. It is a great disadvantage to appear arrogant and vain and ignorance with the ball and chain that will sink us in the end-already is really when you think about it.
  9. If men are decided on having children, I recommend dating women who are decided as well. Being undecided, I loath being asked at the beginning of dating about family and children. I feel like my uterus is been reviewed for future development. Actually, it feels like a future hostile take-over. I am not looking for the father of my children and resent being put into that situation to begin with. So only the undecided for me. No pressure, thanks.
  10. Stupid casual sex. First of all, women aren’t really built with dealing with the aftermath of casual sex like men can: we struggle and feel pain afterwards but continue along this destructive path because of stupid expectations and ridiculous hope.
that's it folks..

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

What is going on?

I have no doubt that disillusion has set itself into my thinking. Not just about love, but with life as well.

Watching the BP oil blow out: I imagine how all the life in the ocean is suffering, the same ocean I have come to adore and cherish; the lies being told; people being bought off for their silence.

Our economies are collapsing; Israel just made another mistake and apparently North Korea has once again misbehaved. Do I believe everything that I read? No, not really. Do I believe in the governments? No.

After reading about the Rothschild’s, the richest family in the world, which could be worth hundreds of trillions of dollars, I am seeing the world we live in very differently.

The most dangerous of all people are pulling the strings of our futures and most of us are not paying any attention. We are too busy, too distracted. What is the Bilderberg group up to tomorrow when they meet up in Spain? Why is everything they do such a secret? Cash truly is king, isn’t it?

So, how smart are we? What do we really know about the world and how life is unfolding?

Let’s get back to love: in my opinion, protective men are the sexiest of them all; the men that don’t leave you feeling vulnerable and alone; the ones that want to make sure you are taken care of. I am not talking about controlling men or bullies; I am simply referring to men who had pride in their ability to respect and care for a woman.

Also, smart men. The more I inform myself, the less patience I have for ignorance. How can someone be protective if they are clueless to what is happening in the world? I want to feel safe… and loved. I would love him so much just for that.

If only he knew..

Monday, April 26, 2010

Ask the Right Questions

I have concluded that chemistry is not enough to keep a couple together: I envision a successful relationship similar to running a small business; when two people share similar visions, using different strengths of their personalities to build a stronger partnership; running as effortlessly as possible, facing challenges together and most importantly to get to the destination of choice and enjoying the ride getting there.

When I see relationships this way, it is a lot simpler to see who is right for me. I know being with another me would not be ideal and throw everything off balance. Two people who crumble under too much stress would be a recipe for disaster and let’s not talk about some artists’ salaries (at least not right now).

So, is a partnership like a business? Who is your perfect partner? Mine will be more like a rock- solid. He has to handle stress better than I do and be more steady work wise. He also has to be compassionate. I am easily turned off by attitudes that fail to express empathy for injustice and forms of cruelty. He also has to be curious about the world and have the desire to see it like I do. We all live for something that makes us happier than other things in our lives- mine is the beach. It is like home for me and I do not want to give it up for anyone- please no.

What do you need? What is missing in your life? Are you an explorer who needs another explorer? A builder who need another builder? Do you want a family? Just asking yourself should make the search much easier- then ask the right questions.

I need stability, a loving friend and a bit of a muse. Can I have all three? Yes, definitely. I know it. It is risky to settle for something that will not give you what you want- unhappiness will settle in eventually.

Just be honest and it will show up. When you know what you want, you will recognize it when it appears. Just don’t settle. I did for years and it wasn’t worth it. I rarely felt peace or passion; I didn’t travel the way I dreamt of and questioned my partner’s integrity- then my own.

Asking the right questions? Not a bad idea. It wastes less time and cuts to the chase. Figure out what you want and let it find you. It will- just give it a chance. Actually, give YOU a chance.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

More Tips For Men

If you are truly interested in someone and really want to be successful- I really recommend not writing the following:

· “wanna chat?” Reminds me of “ wanna fuck?”

· “My name is Dick, I am 5’9”, love life and my 3 cats. I have a big heart and my friends can’t believe I am single… with my 3 cats…” - Copy, paste. A big no- no!

· “how r u?”- Spend the time to write a complete sentence.

· If you are over 33, never write “lol” in your emails or profile. Especially many times in one sentence. It can dry us up like a clam on a hot beach with no shade.

· “hey baby”- Didn’t your mother teach you manners? Your sister? Aunt?

Some tips for profiles:

· Never write: “I work” or “One that I love” for profession. It tells us nothing about you. You could be working at a strip bar for all we know or a drug dealer. Wait a minute…

· Never say you are a good-looking guy. You come across as vain. We will decide if you are or not- to us. Men are sexier when they don’t flaunt it.

· Never make your occupation sound more impressive than it actually is. We will be disappointed.

· Never write “women” in your interests or “sex”. We know, we know.

If a woman does not respond:

· She could be not attracted to you. It is that simple.

· She thinks you are nuts because you look nuts in you photos.

· She sees a major incompatibility. You are a big camper and she loves five star hotels.

· You are a student and can’t afford the 5 star hotels.

· Too short, too tall.

· You wrote xox after the email. Yuck.

· You called us “Babe, Honey, Sweetie... please. You are a stranger and should use these words unless you are officially dating us. It is patronizing.

· You are too young, too old.

· You seem creepy.

· It is obvious that you are looking to “hook up”.

· You are too good-looking and won’t be able to keep up or fight off all of the beautiful women who will want to sleep with you.

· You have too many kids, alimony and probably no money.

· You live somewhere where she would never want to even visit.

· You have 5 cats. She hates cats.

· She is allergic to cats.

· You come across as damaged goods, depressed or angry.

· You don’t want kids and she does, you want kids, she doesn't.

· She does not want to deal with your kids or ex-wife.

· You are separated, not yet divorced. She left you and you could be still in love with her.

· She does not see any long-term potential, you smoke or do drugs. financially unstabe.. could be anything.

... you never asked us a question... what are we responding to? look like her father, ex-boyfriend, past stalker.. have a mustache and so does her father.

If a woman does not respond, it could be for any reason. She also could be tired or in a bad mood. Maybe she meant to, but forgot. Women can get bombarded with emails. If you write her again, and still no response- move on. Or try again in a couple of months. We can change our minds with time and experience. Never "blow up" at her in a email for not responding. This is a major red flag. Some have done this to me in an email and it is very unpleasant. Good luck!

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Five Stages

I have to admit that I have learned so much from dating. The longer you are on the dating scene, the smarter you become. At least I can say this about myself. My time becomes more precious and I am much closer to having what I want (I think so anyways).

According to David Gray, author of “Mars and Venus on a Date”, there are five stages a couple go through to have a strong, successful relationship.

  1. The attraction phase: Dating, but not exclusively.
  2. The uncertainty phase: you may feel uncertain, maybe take a step back before you go forward (if you go forward).
  3. Exclusivity: you only date each other
  4. Intimacy: the fun begins
  5. Marriage: total commitment

I really recommend this book. It cleared up most questions I had. Maybe it can do the same for you if you are scratching your head wondering why things are not working out… you probably skipped a stage.. maybe slept with someone you barely knew and now wondering why she is crying and completely heart- broken when you needed some space to think- alone. Yes, it happened again(not talking about me here). Better luck next time. Unless sex is all you want, then good luck dealing with all the emotions heading your way.

Over and out,


Thursday, January 28, 2010

What is Sexy..

  • Before a date, have a shower. There is something sexy about a freshly showered man.
  • Wear a touch of cologne. Never wear too much. Ask the saleswomen what women go crazy for. Some cologne can have an opposite effect.
  • Being there early. It shows class.
  • Being dressed nicely. It shows style.
  • Being in a good mood. It rubs off on us.
  • Confidence. It is just damn sexy.
  • Your full attention. It is reassuring.
  • Don’t give compliments if you don’t mean them. It is meaningless and makes us feel foolish for believing you.
  • Don’t behave like you are interested if you are not. Be polite but don’t misguide.
  • Enjoy our individuality.
  • Have authentic charm and be yourself.